The Military Adventures of Johnny Newcome

PART II

John tired, and anxious, now began to grumble,
The cursed, rugged Road, made Dobbin stumble;
Some sad mishap his senses now forebodes,
When Teague exclaims, ‘These are the Devil’s own Roads!’
Now from a Cliff they view’d a Gulph below,
Where Tagus sternly midst the Rocks did flow,
A narrow path they follow’d, jam’d with stones,
John, Dobbin led, and trembled for his bones:
Scrambling, & straggling, step from Ridge to Ridge;
At length, the danger passed, they reach’d the Bridge.
Now on their Route we find them each day gaining,
But, wearied out, poor Johnny ceas’d complaining;
Grown used to suffer Insolence and Pillage
In every beastly town and dirty Village;
To see Religion made the tool of Knaves;
To crush morality, and nourish Slaves.

As now to Salamanca near John drew,
Pleas’d that to Portugal he’d bid adieu,
Was told to hasten--there might be a Fight,
The Hostile foes were in each other’s sight:
With British ardour thrilling thro’ each vein;
Urged by an impulse nothing could restrain.

John’s soul was meek, but he felt in truth
With all the bashful modesty of Youth;
From his blest native Soil he did inherit
A bold, determined mind, and active spirit;
Nought could his zealous energy oppose,
He’d join his Reg’ment, and he’d face its Foes--
Boldly push’d on to share in the Attack,
And found the brave King’s Own in _Bivouac_.[19]

PART II

Now evening closed, and cast a silent gloom;
‘Come,’ says his friend, ‘lay down, we’ll make you room:
‘Here take this Blanket, and beneath you spread,
‘And here’s a Stone, as Pillow for your Head.’
John thankfully conformed to his advice,
And, like the rest, was snoring in a trice.

Now the bold Leader of each Hostile Band,
Manœuvred for the ’vantage of the Land.
At length great Wellington, with his Allies,
Completely took the Frenchmen by surprize,--
Boldly descended in the midst of Day,
Attack’d the French as they supinely lay;
His Light troops skirmishing, began the Battle,
Then thundering Cannon thro’ the Ranks did rattle.
Divisions to Divisions then oppose,
But British valour soon overwhelm’d its Foes.
Then burst the Cavalry with heroic speed,
Charging their Squares, and every where succeed.
Beat at all points, the dastard Frenchmen yield,
Trust all to flight, and scamper from the Field.
Thus the brave British, German, Portuguese,
Fought, Conquer’d, Triumph’d at th’ Arepiles;
And I, to deck my story, fain would sing,
How all the Salamanca Bells did ring;
How Peasants unconcerned, th’ ensuing Day,
Plough’d thro’ the honour’d soil where Heroes lay.
But no--content I’ll to my story keep,
And so return to John I left asleep;
Who, wrapt in slumber, care forgetting, lies,
The Long roll Beat--he started, rubb’d his eyes.
‘Why, what’s the matter?--surely it is dark.’
‘Aye,’ says his friend, ‘we rise before the Lark.
‘Our Orders are to fall in every Morn,
‘And stand to Arms an hour before the Dawn;
‘Come, rouse my honest Fellow, don’t be slack,
‘At break of day the Frenchmen may attack.’
John rose, but grumbled out, ‘If I’d been told,
‘They’d start me up thus shivering in the Cold;
‘To go Campaigning, I would ne’er been led.
‘But stuck to my own Corps, and Feather-Bed.’
The Adjutant did now friend Johnny fix,
To Captain Bull’s division, Number Six;
In Captain Buckett’s company, when ‘Lo!’
Says John, ‘I think I Captain Buckett know;
‘His uncle’s Tub the Brewer, I’ve no doubt,--
‘Old Buckett lives in Faringdon Without.’
Soon recogniz’d--the Morn began to break;
His Captain begg’d he’d half a biscuit take:
‘Eat it, my boy, and mind what I shall say,
‘I’m sure we shal

PART II

[Illustration: _Poor Johnny on the sick List._]

Next morn the Doctor came, his Friend to seek,
And found poor Johnny, feverish, and weak.
‘Ah! Sir,’ says John, ‘it is to me quite clear,
‘That I’m a dead man, if they keep me here.’
The Doctor felt his Pulse, and gave a shrug;
The Constitution could not stand the Tug.
‘Your health, poor _Newcome_, does so bad appear,
‘That I shall send you straightways to the Rear.
‘To Salamanca first, and when you’re there,
‘You will be ordered Home for change of Air.
‘The Board of Surgeons will, I’m well assur’d,
‘At once decide that here you can’t be cured.’

[Illustration: _Going Sick to the Rear._]

PART II

FOOTNOTES

[18] It was shocking to behold the number of dead bodies (chiefly of
the French Army) with which the Highway was crowded.--They were in a
horribly disgusting state of Nudity, and half devoured by Wolves, and
Birds. The Armies had no time to bury the Dead, and the Inhabitants were
either too indolent, or for some other reason neglected to do it. But
to such a state of Barbarism had the natives of Portugal and Spain
attained, that Boys and Girls have been seen throwing human heads at
each other, by way of amusement; and a little Urchin, ten years old,
Servant to an Officer, was heard frequently to boast, after the Battle
of Salamanca, of having stolen slily on the wounded Frenchmen, struck
them on the head with a Stone, in order, if possible, to kill, for the
purpose of plundering them.

[19] The Army, not having tents, were obliged to lay out exposed to the
Weather.

PART II

The fact is, that had his Royal Highness, the Commander-in-Chief, the
uncontrolled power in the guidance of the Army, Interest and Wealth
would give place to Justice, Merit, and Desert.

I shall take the liberty to relate an anecdote which is of so recent a
date, that a reference may be had to it without difficulty. Attached to
Lord Wellington’s dispatches, relative to the victory of Vittoria, it
pleased the higher powers to subjoin the names of certain Officers, with
the promotion honourably granted to them, of course, and in consonance
with the recommendation of the noble chiefs--so many Majors to be
Lieutenant-Colonels, so many Captains to be Majors.

Before I allude to this particular circumstance, and one which gives
validity to the above ‘general observations,’ I beg to be understood,
that in being obliged to bring forward this case as one in point, the
Officer alluded to is universally esteemed; he is not only active, but
intelligent: he stands high in the estimation of his superiors, for a
knowledge of the duties of his profession, as well as zeal, and courage,
in their performance.

PART II

Thus our great Captain led his gallant Band,
O’er the wide Plains of Leon’s fertile Land;
Whilst all the Gallic Force, the Hostile Foe,
Directed by Gazon, and great King Joe,
Spread o’er the Country round, in varied Route,
Bewilder’d in perplexity, and doubt:
When t’wards the South their eager looks addrest,
The Allied Troops surpriz’d them from the West;
With all their Force array’d on Douro’s Bank,
Our skilful Hero took them on the Flank;
From Salamanca bravely chased them forth,
And drove them in dismay towards the North.
Burgos blown up, Pencorva forc’d to yield,
Nor check’d their flight ’till reach’d Vittoria’s Field.
Whilst o’er the Mountains, Bands of Spaniards[100] prowl,
With little order, and with less controul;
While desolation o’er their Country spread,
The High-toned Blood, the Warlike soul was fled;
Whate’er the Cause, the Motive, or the Reason,
By Fraud, by Threats, by Artifice, or Treason,
Whilst Hosts on Hosts did in succession grow,
Judge from events, they merely were for Show;
With other Troops they hold no sort of Rivalry,
Cervantes quizz’d them out of all the Chivalry.
Now all the Gallic force suspends its Flight,
And at Vittoria Centre, and Unite;
Joe, and Gazon had check’d its volitation,
And in array the Army round it Station.
Both Imbecile, and Vain, they treat with slight
The Hero and his Troops who’d caus’d their Flight.
Puff’d with conceit, they Espionage neglected,
So got a visit, sooner than expected.
Tho’ he in Leon had their minds astonish’d,
Joe, and his Chum were not to be admonish’d.
For Joe was heard amidst his Dames to say,
‘That our great Lord should Dine[101] with him that Day.
‘And when he had prepar’d Ragouts and Soups,
‘He’d take the noble Lord, and Route his Troops.’
Forgetting he’d to deal

PART II

And now our Hero, without more delay,
Went with his Dad, to make his first Entré.
The Ceremony o’er, and in his place,
The S----r, with much Gravity, and Grace,
His right Hand on his Chair he gently press’d,
And thus our Hero solemnly address’d:

‘Lieutenant-Colonel Sir John _Newcome_,
‘I’m to observe, that here are very few come
‘With such distinguished honours to their Name--
‘So high in Glory, and so great in Fame;
‘Your active Vigour, and your gallant Feats
‘In Arms, when in Vittoria’s Streets
‘Your weapon boldly flourish’d ’mongst the Fair,
‘Joe’s Crown cut off, and every thing left bare;
‘Drove the poor King from Town, without his Hat on,
‘Seiz’d Madam Gazon, and the Marshal’s Baton.
‘The C----ns, Sir, out of their high regard
‘For deeds of Valour, grant this proud Reward
‘For your Exploits, so Great, and so Magnanimous,
‘Thro’ me present their hearty thanks unanimous.’

Albeit, unused to speaking, John arose,
In first attempt determin’d not to prose;
Resolv’d that no one should his sense impeach,
By drawling out a long, and labour’d Speech:
Then said, ‘Sir, if from great Example,
‘I in some late affairs have shewn my Sample;
‘’Tis to the Hero whose Dispatch I bring,
‘So great, so wonderful in every thing.
‘His be the praise, who Foe, and Fair disarms,
‘All yield to his Celebrity in Arms.’
Some further honours too did John await,
Which caus’d with him and Dad, a small debate.
‘A Badge of Merit,[108] my dear Boy d’ye see,
‘Is a fine Ornament, ’twixt you and me;
‘’Twill look so grand, you know, hung at your button,
‘When you Reg’mentals condescend to put on.’

PART II

[106] The numerous Carriages of all descriptions, and Tumbrils, so
completely blocked the Road, and filled the contiguous Fields, it was
difficult to pass; the Carriages were completely loaded with Baggage,
and the miserable Animals pushed into Deep, and Wet Ditches. The
four-wheeled Tumbrils were loaded with Ammunition, and Money. It is
supposed that those who divided the Spoil were enriched: certainly the
Soldiers got Thousands of Dollars and Doubloons. It is said, more
Persons than Soldiers shared in the Spoil; one got £8000 of Doubloons.
It is to be lamented that, in consequence of the hurry and confusion,
the Money was thus distributed--but it was inevitable; and the good
fortune fell to the lot of many who did not share in the Conflict.

Two hundred and five Pieces of Ordnance were taken, and five hundred
Tumbrils; large quantities of Army Stores, and Mules, and Horses, and
much inferior Plunder also.--Vittoria is a superior Spanish Town, and
situated in a fertile Plain.

[107] It was considered rather an uncommon instance of good fortune, the
Noble L----d should, on any pretence, have been so unaccountably
promoted in the same Gazette, Major and Lieut.-Colonel.